Rain

I love rain.

It was raining when I woke up this morning and it’s still raining now. The forecast has it raining for several more hours. In the heat wave the east coast has been having, rain and a cold front are very good news. I don’t mind the heat so much, but I do love the rain. The image of water falling and hitting the ground. The sound of drops gently smacking the window. The feeling of clean it brings. The way that, even after it stops raining and you walk under a tree, it is still raining and you will get wet.

Rain makes me think of God.

Often, when I’ve been upset and crying for a few hours or days, it starts to rain. Sometimes it will be a soft rain, other times whole sheets of water come crashing down. It was in these moments that I came to think – sometimes it rains because I don’t need to cry anymore. God is crying for me. God is crying for all the evil in the world. God is crying for the Gulf oil spill, God is crying for Haiti, so I don’t need to cry anymore. This brings me incredible peace.

About two thirds of the way through my month in Haiti, Emily, Sammie Jo, and I were up on the roof talking. We were in that sweet spot – past the tents but not right up against the wall so nobody could see us unless he/she was looking real hard. I was telling them the story of my most recent ex-boyfriend, how the events of the fall of 2008 affected my life, and ways in which I am scarred from everything that happened. I was crying – not big racking sobs like I have been known to produce, but simple tears running down my face that I could not stop. I think all the sadness I have bottled up over the past two years forced its way out through my tear ducts. It wanted release and I had no way to control it.

When it started raining, we were nowhere close to done with our conversation, so we sat out in the rain. We let the rain drench our hair and clothes, let it wash over us completely. (Also, when you haven’t showered in a day or two, it’s nice to sit out in the rain so you can push another day without washing your hair.) It was God crying for me, letting me know he was still there and still cared more than I could know.

An hour or so later, when we were finished, we went downstairs to find every single other member of our team soaking wet. Apparently everybody had also been outside in the rain. Kellen had been under the mango tree. Melly and Tiffany had been by the pool. We had all been outside having a hard time dealing with our junk and so God cried for all of us. In that moment, in that rainy afternoon in Port-au-Prince, He provided healing and peace for all of Uncaged. He reminded us that He is still there and still cares. That He will always be there and always cares.

I love rain.