Almost One Month

I miss Haiti. Real bad.

It has been almost a month since I said “see you later” to Uncaged one by one at the airport. Almost a month since I walked away from Kellen’s car, alone for the first time in weeks. Almost a month since I held Oliver, stroked Orpha’s hair, or rode in the cage.

It’s amazing what can happen in one month, or alternately, what does not happen in one month.

July has been a lot of driving around, seeing people I haven’t seen in a while. It has been a lot of planning for my dear sister’s wedding. It has been phone time with my Uncaged sisters. It has been alone time with my Savior.

July has not been a lot of chasing after jobs. It has not been sleepless nights because there is too much work to do. It has not been stressful. It has not been many things that my life used to be.

Finding a God-fearing, supportive community is something with which I often struggle. Haiti was one of the first times in my life that I took the opportunity to really invest in a community in the way I should have been all along. Since coming back to the States, I’ve wrestled with what that means/looks like for my life in Norfolk. I was in church yesterday evening, standing and worshiping, when I broke down because I miss Uncaged so freaking much. I miss our worship sessions to start the day and long talks on the roof and singing in backs of trucks. I miss Emily yelling “That’s my jam!” and Sammie Jo’s laugh (as well as a billion other things). And as I was standing in the church pew with tears streaming down my face, God once again revealed to me that I have a hard time being invested in the present and always think life would be better somewhere else. It is something I deal with constantly. God also reminded me that I have a hard time being invested if I plan on leaving (ie I plan on moving come the new year, so why get invested here when I’ll only be here for five months?).

And then I was convicted. I was in Haiti for one month, one month, and was completely invested. I’ll be in Norfolk for at least five months (in theory), so my community and investments here could be that much more incredible. I’ve struggled because I do not have any of “my own friends” but only know people through my brother and sister. Who’s to say that my community can’t be my bro and sis, Dani, Crystal, Marty, Abin, Dustin, Sonja, etc? Who’s to say that these people are not exactly who God has intended for me to serve during my time here? (So if you’re one of those people, let me know how I can serve you.)

I miss Haiti, but I have the opportunity to bring Haiti here, now. And that sounds like the best thing ever.