The One with the End of an Era

In exactly one month, I will drive a third of the way across the country to my new hometown: 

St. Louis, Missouri.

A lot has to happen before then: a wedding, a Christmas, a trip to Haiti, and a 25th birthday. But this post is not about the inundated nature in which my life currently exists.

This post is about the end of an era.

It's like that season six episode of FRIENDS, "The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel," when Monica finally gets Rachel to understand that Chandler really is moving in and Rachel has to move out. They sit there crying about how it's the end of an era, how they've lived together for six years but now things are changing and Monica has to live with a boy!

I have lived in the Commonwealth of Virginia for six and a half years. Since July 2004, I've called this state my home. Ashland, Richmond, Charlottesville, and Norfolk - names I won't soon forget. We've had some good times. We've had some great times and some bad times. I've loved here and I've lost here and all those cliche things.

But it really is time to go.

 

On January 8, I'll pull up to a house in South City and unload my belongings. Two giant dogs, a cat, and a couple of new roomies will be there to greet me. I'll hang up my clothes, find a grocery store, and continue on with my journey. I hope to learn a little something new, get to know some wonderful people, and to have grand adventures. I hope to stay for a while.

So farewell, Virginia! I wish you the best.

PS: If you're ever near STL, be sure to holla! You know Anheuser-Busch is there, right?

 

for Shannon Acosta

My sister is getting married in one month.

Well, 26 days.

The ceremony and reception sites are booked. The RSVPs are in. The dress has arrived. It's almost game time.

After running through the probable setup and time line with the event coordinator at the country club, I can say with full confidence that this is going to be one kickin' wedding! With so much already accomplished in anticipation of the big day, we are left to iron out remaining details. What exactly should the centerpieces look like? Who will attend the program table? Which limo company should we go with? When should the bridal party arrive at the church in preparation for photos? Just how many gallons of white wine sangria should there be (many, please!)?

It's all very exciting.

It's the event that I stayed in Virginia for, that I lived in Norfolk one last time for. The day that I'm so glad I could be around all fall to help my siister plan.

The day. Down to the details.

Down to the moment one has in the periphery of one's mind during a lifetime: the moment one's sister gets married. But this time it's MY sister! MY dear sister who has had the chance to be there on so many of her friends' special days. It's HER turn to wear the beautiful white dress and look like a frickin princess (because she is very pretty even when she's not decked out). MY sister! And I get to stand there and try and hold back my buckets of tears while she looks so gorgeous and gets married to an excellent addition to the family (favorite new brother Marty!) because it is all just so very happy!

So I'll do my maid of honor duties and make a toast and dance the night away and get Shannon to eat something so she doesn't pass out and make sure nothing gets in the way of my sister having a perfect wedding experience because that's what she deserves - a simply fabulous party which everyone is attending because of her (and Marty).

26 days. A handful of details. One great night.

And after it's over, I just have to find myself a hubby so Shannon and I can take our boys and travel the world as a foursome!

Long Walks and Busted Plans

I'm currently in San Diego, soaking in the sun through the windows of my friends' apartment in Kensington. My time here has been lovely although I was not prepared for the 90 degree heat in early November (It is much colder than that where I come from and it's supposed to be in the high 60s the rest of my time here - fingers crossed!).

Who lives in San Diego? Melly (http://e52walkinlove.blogspot.com/) and Tiffany (http://tiffanyhandley.theworldrace.org/), two of my teammates from Haiti. I have wanted to visit ever since returning from Port-au-Prince and so one day about two months ago I purchased a ticket for Nov 3-10. It was a risky move - I was still in a state of applying for jobs out of state and didn't actually know where I would be in November. Buying a ticket out of Norfolk meant I was committed to being in Norfolk at the time of my flight and thus pretty much not getting a job anywhere else.

I was in the same rut that I was in prior to Haiti - applying for any and every job I seemed qualified for. And just like this past spring, nothing worked out. My plan for my life - to work in ResLife/Student Affairs/have a "real job"...Busted.

Have you had that experience? When you have had a plan for your whole life and then you get to a certain point and there is a fathomless abyss in front of you? You can do anything. Literally anything. Except what you planned on doing.

You can sit and be sad because your life is not going the way you planned and you don't know what to do. And I think sometimes we need moments of wallowing and crying out and fighting with God. But in my life, things not going according to plan has meant that I can work at an awesome coffeehouse (borjocofee.com) with a fun and helpful boss and have incredible relationships with coworkers and regulars. I can help plan my sister's wedding while living in the same city as her. I can take fabulous holidays to California, rife with long walks and talks about anything and everything, unfettered and honest talks because I completely trust these people. I can move to St. Louis simply because that is where God wants me to be and so I will follow Him.

In my life, things not going according to my plan meant that things could go according to His plan. And His plan is so.much.better. than my plan.

Haiti: Reprise

If you're reading this blog, then you most likely know that this past June I participated in a one-month missions trip to Haiti to help provide earthquake relief in the aftermath of the disaster. While I did not do as much manual labor (e.g. picking up rubble, construction, or demolition, etc) as I had expected, I had the opportunity to spend the month at the RENMEN foundation (www.renmenhaiti.org), an orphanage of sorts that houses 60 kids and runs a day school for the surrounding community. I was also blessed with a team of nine incredible sisters and brothers, family who came from all over the States to help show God's love to the people of Haiti. We had the absolute best month hanging out with the kids and each other, seeing God's kingdom grow and encompass our little orphanage "compound."

Even before we left Haiti at the end of June, most of the team felt that God had put it on our hearts to return to RENMEN, and soon. These kids have had so much heartbreak and have been abandoned by so many people in their lives - we do not want to be seen as ten more people who came and then went away, never to be heard from again. We want these children to know that we love them, that we think about and pray for them every day, that we would never abandon them, that we want everybody to hear their stories (please visit the RENMEN Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/RENMEN-foundation/124817047560302 to see photos and read stories of the RENMEN kids).

Several weeks ago, two of my teammates (Melly and Emily, pictured above) and I made the final decision to return - we purchased our plane tickets for December 29-Jan 5 so we can be a post-Christmas surprise as well as spend the New Year holiday with our new Haitian family (and my 25th birthday!). Several of my other teammates have intentions to return with us but are figuring out scheduling/financial issues. I am so incredibly excited and blessed for this opportunity to return!

To make this trip a financial reality, I need to raise roughly $450 for a plane ticket and incidental costs, which means I need great people like you to consider supporting me both financially and prayerfully on this trip. I have complete confidence that God wants me to go back to Haiti and so have faith that we will easily match and exceed my goal. Any money left after trip costs will be used for my relocation to St Louis, Missouri after I return from Haiti - St Louis is where God is leading me and so I will follow.

As my dear friends and blog readers, I do hope that you will thoughtfully consider being a necessary part of my support. Thank you so much for always supporting me in the past as I know you will do in the future!

Please send me an email at ajbulgrien@gmail.com if you would like more information (like my address to send me a check!).

My life on the flooded streets of Ghent

For the past week, the east coast has been experiencing quite a lot of rain.

That's probably an understatement.

It started raining last Saturday night. I remember because I was childsitting and the head of the bed I was sleeping in was right under the window. The sound of rain drops woke me up. It made me really happy because I like rain very much and it has not rained here in awhile. Off and on, off and on, all week long, the clouds dumped buckets of water upon our heads. And as it seemed, off and on, off and on, all week long, life went badly.

My car window regulator broke. I don't have $300 to fix my car right now, so I taped the window shut with duct tape so it wouldn't gap and drench the inside of my car.

Because it was raining so much, the ceiling in my room (and then the ceiling in the TV room) started leaking to the point that plaster began falling. Now there is exposed mold in my bedroom, all the furniture is in disarray from moving it out of the way of the leak, and I can't sleep in there until the landlord comes to fix the leak by ripping out a huge section of the ceiling.

I tried to make oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, but someone's fiance recently got his own place, so she took all her cooking utensils over there. After deciding to try and make cookies anyway, I somehow (probably in my distress over the rest of the week) forgot various ingredients and the dough was a sloppy mess.

Weddings - especially weddings in which one's sister is getting married - are very stressful to plan.

I have physically felt run down and in a funk all week.

This week, more than any other week after my return from Haiti, I've really felt like I'm not supposed to be here right now. In Norfolk, in Ghent where the streets flood like crazy when it rains and people have days off of school and work because the roads are impassable. I am a visitor, a guest. I don't have a lease. While I do have a job, I was perfectly up front with my boss when he hired me: I was not planning on being here past December and in fact, could leave at any time. My current decision is to move to St Louis in January, although there is always a chance I could pick up and leave tomorrow. That is where I'm supposed to be, where I was headed in July before my sister got engaged, where I am headed pretty much as soon as I can.

How much of me feeling rotten is because of physical illness/fatigue gained from years of running myself ragged, and how much of it is because I know this place is not where God intends for me to live my life and I am just visiting for a little while?

It stopped raining sometime last night, leaving a cold front in the wake of the tropical storm remnants. How long can it last?

forever

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside quiet waters,

He restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil, for You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord

forever

Like a child

On Sunday I went with my brother and his girlfriend to a Presbyterian church down the street. It's one of those churches where the young children are called out of the service several songs in so they can have their own, child-accessible sermon in a separate room. The pastor went on to talk about getting in God's way or something - to be honest, the sermon didn't stick with me that well. I get distracted easily. It was towards the end of the service when the kids came back into the sanctuary and rushed around to find their parents who were still in the pews when I became focused on the moment.


Two rows in front of me was a little girl, age 5 or so. She had on a pastel green dress with a matching bow in her almost-white hair. This little girl climbed up on the pew next to her mother, stood up, and held open her arms, just waiting for her mom to pick her up. As we were singing at the time and were standing, facing the altar, the mother did not notice right away what her daughter was doing. The little girl continued to stand, hands outstretched as widely as possible. When the mother glanced over, she immediately reached down to pick up her child. The little girl clung there and our eyes met. She stared at me with big blue eyes shyly peaking over her mother's shoulder. It was so sweet, I teared up.

Recently, I have so often been crying out for comfort from God, for Him to pull me in His arms and keep me safe. The moment in church was a perfect image to represent what God does every day as a way to show He loves us, whether we feel it or not. He is always willing to pull us close, soothe our troubled emotions, simply be there. I picture myself sitting on His knee, sometimes telling Him about my day and my thoughts, sometimes just being there with Him and soaking up all His goodness and wonderfulness and love.

Like the little girl in church, I am standing on a pew with my arms open. And God is reaching to pull me in close.